A Mother's Love
by AMarguerite
Summary: An angstly... yet lengthy... ficlet about Fantine and Cosette, their lives, a walk in the park, and Fantine's dreams: those broken and those yet to be fufilled. In honor of mother's day, of course.


A/N: Dedicated to all mothers. Words in '' signify thoughts.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters I write about except Marie. And I'm not sure I even own her. 

Fantine was exhausted, strands of her fair hair hanging tiredly and limply from her white mob cap. She had spent the day looking for employment, but had not found any... all positions previously open to her had already been filled. And she had looked around almost the entire city. Her back ached, her feet were sore, and her stomach grumbled from a lack of food resulting from a lack of excess money. The only joy she had was in seeing her daughter again.

Fantine wearily knocked on the door to her next door neighbor's garret. The door opened, and Cosette rushed out with a cry of delight.

"Maman!" Cosette cried happily. Cosette was a charming child, a little over two, with chestnut curls and long eyelashes. She had beautiful blue eyes, and a smile which seemed ever- present and natural. She was pink and healthy, and spoke in a charming two- year- old's mixture of seemingly nonsensical phrases and cheerful yet trivial sentences. 

"Cosette, ma petite," Fantine murmured, smiling at last, revealing sparkling white teeth. She kissed her child, and then looked up. "Thank you, Marie."

Marie was an elderly woman, with white hair and a slightly hunched back. She was a simple old woman whose only joys laid in gossip and children. Her husband having died without leaving her any of her own children, she was more then happy to look after Cosette. Marie lived on a more then adequate pension and delighted in showering Cosette with all the gifts Fantine never would have been... or could be... able to.

"It's no trouble at all my dear," Marie reassured her. "I love the little child to bits." Marie affectionately patted Cosette on the head, and Cosette smiled a slightly gap- toothed smile… one or two of her teeth had not come in yet. 

"Any luck?" Marie continued in a conspiratorial whisper. 

Fantine, looking away from her daughter, shook her head and pushed her hair back into her mob cap. "None… all the employments open to me before Cosette have been taken." Fantine looked helplessly at her little daughter, who stared up with wide blue eyes at her mother. "I'm not sure what to do…."

Marie shook her head and wrung her hands sympathetically. "Men… they always start these things, but never help or finish them." Fantine imagined she could see Marie gossiping about this bit of information with her friends. 

Fantine let a small sigh escape her, and then she turned Cosette around. "Well Cosette… what did you do today?"

Cosette tilted her head to one side in a bird- like manner, smiled, and prattled on excitedly (in a garbled and slightly non-cohesive manner) about the events of her day: watching the rain, helping Madame Marie make bread, listening to Madame Marie gossip with one of her friends, etc.

"But, maman?" Cosette asked quizzically, tugging gently on Fantine's hand, her wide blue eyes staring innocently and starkly into her mother's (blue) eyes. "I didn't, I didn't go to the park… I like the park, it has lots of birdies and flowers… but, um… I didn't go to th' park because… cause… it was, um…"

"Raining?" Fantine suggested tiredly, but still good- naturedly.

Cosette nodded quickly, her short brown curls bouncing against her neck and shoulders. "But it's not raining no more… can we go?"

Fantine was hopelessly tired. Her feet ached, her eyes stung, and her back was stiff and sore. "Ma petite… it's getting late… it's near dinner time…."

Cosette's face fell, and she looked so disappointed, Fantine's heart almost cracked in two. 

"But I suppose we can go for just a few minutes," Fantine continued wearily. She rubbed her aching head with her hand.

Cosette smiled brilliantly again and laughed in delight. "The park!" she sang happily. "The park! With ducks and waters and trees!" 

"She means le Jardin du Luxemburg," Marie added conspiratorially. "She's very fond of it."

Fantine attempted a smile, but it only made the muscles in her checks hurt. "Yes… she is." Fantine stuck Cosette's small hat haphazardly on her daughter's head and loosely knotted the ribbon.

Cosette flew out of the door as soon as Fantine had opened it, and then hopped down the cramped stairs. Fantine yawned and then followed, blearily keeping an eye on her daughter. 

"The park, the park, the park," Cosette continued to sing happily, in her bright... and piercing... soprano. She reached the door and waited patiently as her mother plodded down the stairs and gently took her hand. Fantine reflected that, at one point in time, **she** had sang… just for the joy of singing. It pained her to think that it had been a long time ago… when really, it had been just weeks since Felix… Fantine wanted to cry, but sternly reminded that she couldn't be bothered to spare the energy. It didn't stop her eyes from watering though. 

Fantine tiredly led Cosette to the park, firmly grasping her daughter's hand and watching the cobblestones. Her eyes were still teary, making it hard to see. Fantine desperately wished she could just curl up in bed and die. But then who would look after poor Cosette? 

At the moment, Cosette gave a little cry of happiness, and tugged impatiently on her mother's hand. 

"Maman, maman! Look at all the, the ducks!" Cosette, with wider eyes then usual, stared in shock at the small flock of geese pruning themselves by the shore of the pond. She struggled with the laces of her bonnet, and Fantine tiredly untied them for her.

"Why don't you go run and play with them?" Fantine suggested, unshed tears straining her voice and making it quiver uncontrollably.

Cosette happy and smiling, flew to the birds (albeit unsteadily) and began running around the flock as the flock itself flew away.

Fantine sunk down onto a nearby bench and put her face in her hands. She rubbed her forehead to ward off the incoming headache, and then glanced up to make sure Cosette was all right.

Cosette, running about happily, arms outstretched, curls floating behind her, was perfectly all right. Fantine took a moment to rub a spot on her neck that was particularly paining her, pass her handkerchief over her aching eyes, and flex her still sore toes.

When she looked up again, Cosette had stopped by a bush and trying to talk to a sparrow. Fantine smiled a bit, winced at the pain it caused her face, and then leaned against the bench and closed her eyes… just for a minute. Cosette would be perfectly all right…

After seemingly no time at all, but what must have been at least a half hour, Cosette let out a sharp cry, and Fantine's eyes flew open. 

Fantine scanned the park for her daughter, and saw her seated quite unhappily in the middle of a path a long way away from her mother, her silk skirts twisted about her legs, her curls wildly disheveled, and (as Fantine imagined) her blue eyes swimming with tears. Opposite her was a small boy with dark hair and a serious expression, rubbing his elbow and looking slightly confused. Behind him was an elderly man, in very outdated clothes, holding a cane.

Fantine struggled off the bench and (with painful slowness, as one of her feet had fallen asleep) made her painstaking way to Cosette.

"Marius!" the man snapped before Fantine had gotten half- way there. "You have just run into this sweet young lady. Apologize, you scoundrel!"

Cosette held the palm of her hand to her eye in a seemingly futile attempt to stem the flow of her tears. 

The little boy quickly stood up and brushed off the seat of his pants. He then helped Cosette up and took her hand. After glancing at the older man (his father or grandfather, Fantine assumed) to make sure that what he was doing was correct, he bowed very genteelly over Cosette's hand.

"I didn't see you there," he murmured softly. "Forgive me."

Cosette, a bit shocked out of her tears, nodded quickly.

Marius dropped her hand and bowed again (after a prod from the elder man's cane).

Fantine finally reached Cosette and quickly hugged her. "Ma petite! Are you alright?"

Cosette nodded once more, and Fantine, ashamedly aware how improper it was that Cosette was not wearing her bonnet, quickly set the hat on her head. 

"We are terribly sorry to inconvenience you and your charge, madame," the older gentleman said in a stately, dignified manner. "My… and my grandson's… sincerest apologies."

Fantine, ashamed at her daughter's bare head and her own negligence, swept into a graceful curtsy, and kept her eyes on the newly fascinating dirt in front of the old man's feet.

"It is all right monsieur… thank you. Cosette, I think, will be all right." Fantine bestowed a rare smile (that still rather hurt) on the little boy, Marius, as he attempted to hide behind his grandfather.

Marius acknowledged the smile with a respectful nod, and he peered around his grandfather at Cosette, who was standing equally bashfully by her mother, and scuffing the dirt on the path with one silk slipper.

The man, thinking the smile was to him perhaps, bobbed his head respectfully. "She is a sweet little girl… a pretty thing as can ever be seen… as is her mother." He gave Fantine a wink. Fantine was shocked and blinked a moment to give her more time to come up with an answer to his statement. Fortunately, he continued with: "How old is she?"

Fantine placed a hand on Cosette's head in a comforting manner… but mainly to keep the dear child still and to steady herself. "She is a little over two years monsieur. And your grandson?"

The man puffed with pride at the mention of his grandson. "He's six years old… but he acts so mature, you'd think he's at least ten! He is a respectful and serious boy... you'd hardly think that a man such as I would be a grandfather! But I don't mind. Marius is like a son to me. He's such a good boy...."

The poor boy looked extremely embarrassed as his grandfather went on extolling his virtues, so Fantine curtsied once more, waved to Marius as Cosette did, and hurried Cosette out of the park.

Cosette, apparently shocked at meeting someone new and different, followed her mother meekly, in the half- blind submission of a newborn lamb. Fantine, tired still, walked slowly, insisting that it was for Cosette's sake, but wearily thinking it was for her own.

When the arrived at garret, Fantine noted dismally that they had less then a half a loaf of bread, and (as the land lord came to collect his rent soon after they had come back) little money with which to buy more.

Fantine's stomach rumbled, but, for the sake of her daughter, she smiled and decided to go without. "Well Cosette… did you have a nice time in the park?"

Cosette, eyes wide, perhaps thinking of what had happened, nodded sagely. 

"Ah… just think of it Cosette. Two and already charming all the young men of Paris into stunned silence. Perhaps he will wander about for the rest of his days haunted by the memory of you." Fantine gave a little laugh as she cut a piece of bread for Cosette. Fantine went around the slightly cramped garret, and managed to find half a wheel of only slightly moldy cheese. 

"Maybe some day you'll meet again in le Jardin du Luxembourg and fall madly in love, whisper compliments to each other in the garden, and end up marrying...." Fantine sighed wistfully. "Marrying each other in a beautiful ceremony with flowers everywhere... and pearls around your neck." 

"I like the park," Cosette announced solemnly, when Fantine lapsed into silence. "It is... it very pretty. And the boy who ran into me was very, was very nice." 

Fantine sliced a thick wedge of cheese for Cosette and put it on a plate with the bread. "Ah, I believe that too." Fantine set the plate in front of Cosette, and tried to find enough water to fill a cup for her daughter. 

Fantine, still lost in the daydreams of her daughter's bright and happy future, continued on. "Just think Cosette… someday, when you're older, you might meet that young man again… or perhaps some other man, and you'll fall in love… you may try to escape him at first, but you can never run from true… true love." Fantine's voice broke on the word 'love'. 

She distracted herself from her tears by trying to find a cup in the cupboard. She, continuing to keep her back to Cosette, turned and filled the cup with water. "But Cosette… you must remember… he… he may not… he might… well… sometimes, men get scared and run away too. But if they love… if they love you enough, they will always come back to you." Fantine no longer knew if she was speaking to Cosette or herself. "And we… we mustn't lose hope, even when everyone else does." 

Tears streamed down Fantine's face as do the most delicate of raindrops on an upturned leaf. She was far too tired to wipe them away. 

Fantine unsteadily set the cup of water in front of Cosette, and then collapsed into the only other chair in the room. "Never… never ever lose hope Cosette… sometimes it's the only thing we have. And sometimes… sometimes you just have to trust in God-"

Fantine stopped and took a deep breath. Cosette, worried and confused, was staring up at her, holding a crumbling bit of cheese halfway to her mouth. 

Painfully aware of the young child in the room, Fantine gathered up the energy to wipe her face, smile, and stand. Walking was painful to her- her feet were sore and aching- but she went to Cosette and untied her bonnet. 

Cosette, reassured that her mother was all right, smiled and continued to eat. When she was finished, she hopped out of the chair, and Fantine, with hands stiff and sore from the cold air, undressed her and helped her into her embroidered cotton nightgown with Binche lace on the sleeves and collar. Because Cosette could not comfortably fit into the small cradle Fantine had, Cosette slept in Fantine's bed. 

Fantine watched sadly as her child drifted off to sleep. Fantine's eyes stung with unshed tears and weariness.

"Cosette… what's to become of us? We are running out of money… Fe… he may… may never be back… we're almost out of food. Oh Cosette…."

Fantine buried her head in her hands. 'Can I take care of her anymore?' she wondered. 'Would Marie take Cosette? Would anyone want her?'

She sat up straight again, shocked that she could think of such a thing. "I want her." Cosette turned over sleepily.

'I could never give her up… no matter what becomes of me; I will never give her up. What will I do? Where will I go? What can I do?' Dizzy from all the different thoughts and emotions whirling about her head, Fantine wearily slipped off her dress and pulled off her mob cap. She blew out the lone candle spluttering on the table, and paused a moment to try and rub the splitting headache away. This being impossible, she snuggled into the bed, next to Cosette, and kissed the sleeping child on the top of the head.

'I will always love Cosette,' Fantine thought fiercely. 'I will always take care of her. She is my only joy. Felix….' Fantine shook her head to clear it of such thoughts.

'Nothing can be stronger then the love of a mother… but, oh God… what will happen to us?' Fantine's eyes felt hot once again. 'Well… it won't matter as long as Cosette is with me. My child… my daughter…."

With these slightly more reassuring thoughts, Fantine fell asleep, her arms around her daughter, hands clasped in a silent prayer that all would be all right.


End file.
